Funnies in Mojave

Received preplan after we drop load tomorrow: Lodi. Only three problems: It picks up before I deliver in Fresno. My clock runs out of time before I could possibly drive that far. Stevens was informed of this earlier in the day. Such funny people to tease me with going so close to home I can taste the sweet kisses. So much for preplanning.

Strafford to Amarillo

Drove 550 miles today. Under the new policy I doubt I will ever be able to reach those 650 days again. Oh well, fun while it lasted. The weather forecast was for rain, T-storms, etc, all day while we traveled; however, it was sunny and calm until reaching Texas. Winds picked up after Oklahoma City. Stopped at a rest stop in Gary County. It also serves as the Welcome center for this section of highway. Actually spent some time and read the displays, almost felt like a tourist! Then it was back to the truck.

Charlie shared some things off the truck that should not have left the truck, thus violating an important rule, "What's said on the truck, stays on the truck." We have also reached a turning point in some areas that I am working with him. I pray he will take the next step to move forward. I fear him returning to some of the same patterns that he was involved in prior to getting on the truck. Who had that great quote, " I can resist everything except temptation."

Shelbysville,KY

We ran around the Dallas area delivering to 6 places, then on to the Dallas Yard. The deliveries were such a major hassle. I know that after the time on the yard, the short trip to Gas City,IN that this last week will be very short in the pocket book. We now have a trip starting Monday from Shelbysville,KY to Fresno,CA.

Charlie spotted his first fireflies. One even committed suicide on the windshield. Because the chemicals were in constant contact it glowed on the windshield for almost 2 hours.

We did not make it to church today, the community was to far away to walk and still leave good time for driving from Gas City to Simpsonville,KY where we will spend the night.

Management at Stevens, just like any other large carrier, has staff with driving experience; however, since they last drove the computer age has taken over. This gives head quarters more information about the little things in life, thus encouraging the little Napoleon types to control more and more of what people do in the field. In just the year I have been driving, we have gone from allowing the truck to go the speed limit down minor hills (less than 75 mph); however, now we must maintain at our governed speed (mine is 62). If you average 60 in a day you will be written up. I averaged just over 58 today, so I may get written up because I am supposed to only be able to do 57 to 58. I believe they are anxiously awaiting the arrival of drone trucks, when they can drive them from Dallas. When they can huddle the "perfect" people around who can drive the trucks, rather than imperfect people who strive to do their best, which often is less than perfection. Sounds like my walk with the Lord. I am supposed to have a student on the truck after August, but I do not think I want the extra pressure and responsibility. With the tightening of the economy, the trucking industry is able to enjoy a great position: more people wanting a job they vacancies to fill. Therefore they are implementing policies to terminate much more quickly. Returning to a position of no one knows me is the best policy. I am looking forward to better from myself. Paula deserves so much more than the grief the boys have given her. They soil the name they were given, which again sounds like me, soiling the name I have taken (Christian). It is hard to always see them in the light of right and wrong, black and white, when the critical years created such graying of the lines for them. In the story of the sowing the seeds, is it easier to remove the stones when the ground is not the best top soil? Sorry for the long article, to many thoughts for one blog.

Insanity

Laredo to Dallas, repower in Dallas. Only it was not just to the yard, it was to deliver at 1:30 AM with 5 more stops! I am not having fun. Then I talk with Paula and she is certainly not having fun with 3 pending court appearance for shop lifting. And we are supposed to make this journey sober? Prayer seems inadequate, you want a walking, talking meeting with the Lord. You want that PERSONAL assurance that it is in HIS hands. Blown tires on trailers and paychecks that will not even buy a Happy Meal mean nothing to missing the greatest lessons in life. I am talking to Charlie's fiancee, background almost as complicated as his own. Boy do I need that walk.

Richmond Hill, GA

We delivered our one tote of product from Phoenix to Pooler,GA. The load was only 3307 pounds, it looked like our trailer was empty. I have not received a new load assignment yet, so we drove the 12 miles down the road to a Love's where we have free drinks and can take a shower later. The heat is only 80; however, the humidity is up so it feels uncomfortable to those of us from a dry heat area.

There is very little to do around here so we will be forced to talk. Maybe. I will probably be forced to take the phone away!

Letting Go

The birdies must leave the next sometime and I have come to the conclusion we are not prepared to be bird parents, elephants yes, birds no. I cannot find one parent who wishes to raise jail birds. Sons with criminal records for shop lifting, one for violence against others... Lord did I fail that much? I know I am short several hours per day of prayer time, maybe...

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for, brokenness is what I need? Do I not weep enough? If in the words of John Wright, Paula and I were only doing salvage work, I am a miserable failure. Do I not see some good? Truly I do; however, the choice of evil is so strong it overwhelms the good that I see.

So I let go even more than before. Two "men" who fight for personal freedom without taking the added part of being an adult: responsibility. I love them both, but it is time to let go.

Go where?

We were supposed to be on our way to Denver,CO with a load of watermelons. At almost 10PM the phone rings, "Could you help us out, we have a load that needs to be repowered that will be in Lordsburg in a few minutes. It delivers in Tolleson,AZ at 2:30AM." So rather than a leisurely drive north, it was a mad dash to a suburb of Phoenix. The first receiver was poorly organized and took forever. The second one (Costco) had us in at 6:06AM and out by 6:28AM. Our appointment was for 6:30! We pulled off of their property, parked on the edge of the road and slept for 5 hours.

Some when they have overcome problems seem to pole vault to a different level in life. Others seem to take a stairway like you find in the Winchester house. Four or five times as many steps than should be used to reach the top of the stairs. I see myself as a stair climber. Often falling back several steps. I know there are days my potential is far below the minimal acceptable standards. But do I believe in my heart of hearts that my Heavenly Father loves me in spite of my weakness? Tearfully yes.

I asked Charlie about how he felt about some of the things we have been doing on the truck. I asked him if he felt judged by me. He stated the first night when he informed me of several life choices he had made and all I did was hold him tight, kiss his forehead and tell him several times he was loved; he knew I was not out to judge him. He knows right from wrong but like all of us does not necessarily make the correct choice. How can I show him less love than my own Heavenly Father has shown me for the many times I have not made the correct choice? I pray that God will bless this effort and will allow this young man time to bloom.

Lordsburg,NM

It has been a while since I last posted. Part of the problem has been the challenges Charlie and I have faced with schedules. There are two different methods of breaks. One is straight forward, drive 11 in 14 with a 10 hour break. The other is drive, take an 8 hour break, drive, take a two hour break and drive again! Method one is preferred; however, sometimes scheduling requires method two. We picked up a load in Dodge City to take to San Diego. We made it to Winslow,AZ when Dallas gave the load to someone else. We made it to Kingman,AZ when they took that load and gave us a load to Las Cruces,NM. We delivered that load, then repowered a load going to Nogales,AZ that we delivered this morning. We are now on our way to Denver,CO with lots of time to spare. Not good for money, but great for sleep!

Charlie and I are having some great conversations, but my deepest concern is that his many years of self protection will allow him to say and do things on the truck that will not hold up once he is back to civilization. Drink free and smoke free (including whacky tobacky ) is easier with limited resources and no time. He plans to marry a woman in Modesto who was living the same basic lifestyle, but we have helped her make better choices for her and her son. I just pray to break that chameleon head game he plays and truly break into his heart. He is so good at it I told him is more like an octopus. If you watch the video in the first few seconds you notice the octopus not only blends in with the color, but also the skin will raise up to imitate the surrounding rocks.