Chandler,AZ

I saw my parents yesterday, first time in almost a year.  Mother looks virtually the same for several years; however, my father has changed the most.  Medication for nerve pain has changed his features so much.  It was still good to see them and spend a few hours talking while we sat at the truck stop.  

I meet with Charlie today.  I had not told Paula or the brothers ahead of time.  I asked him to meet me at Mervyn's because in TX they are closed.  Not so in Stockton!  So I drove around to the back and parked.  He asked for forgiveness, I reminded him that he was already forgiven.  I also asked for forgiveness.  He has lost over a year of his life being in the situation he was in; however, he gained something from it that nothing else could provide.  I pray the lesson has stuck.

Crazy in Laredo

First I averaged over 8.3 mpg for 1217 miles!  Very light load, but also watching my fuel consumption.  With price protection built into the system, I should pay virtually nothing for fuel the closer to 8 I get.  So this trip should be very profitable.  I need very profitable!

Arrived at the receiver, only to be turned away to have the trailer inspected by our local person in Laredo, then return to receiver and drop the trailer.  Then ran across town to pick up a part for the truck and headed for WalMart.  This one is unique because they have a large area for bobtail trucks to park in front.  Today it was almost full.  Bought some food and other necessities, then headed for Stevens drop yard.  I sent a message pleading for a load out of here.  I also pleaded on the QC and phone for a load home.  It has been 75 days since I had 24 hours off at home.  75 days too long.  So I'll listen to my free Sarah Brightman singing of Silent Night, maybe even splurge if I get paid tomorrow and buy Josh Groban's Christmas CD.  Merry Christmas Darling and I'll be home for Christmas by Karen Carpenter, ah Christmas in Laredo.

Early Sunday and I'm crushed

Tongue waggers and naysayers have once again prevailed.  Besmirching my reputation behind my back, disfellowshipped without the benefit of being confronted with a crime.  If I willingly conform to someone's ideal, then will I be given the secret handshake? We are too busy stabbing each other in the back to concern ourselves with love, mercy, and grace to be extended to the world.  Being a hermit by nature I would not notice some earmarkings of disfellowship, but to discover the true disfellowship due to gossip, breaks my heart.  

One may forgive such things, but can I? More important letting go and letting God, is it time to decide, "if you are not part of the solution you are part of problem."  Where does one go to find the peace and fellowship they long for beyond the private time with God? I am crushed.

Darcol

Leaving the Flying J with my freshly laundered clothes heading for my truck I noticed what is unflatteringly referred to as Super Trucker.  He was one space away from my truck in an extremely uncrowded parking lot.  He was holding the CB mike up to his mouth attempting to hide the fact he was talking on the CB, (hey dude, you might want to hide the cord), laughing, staring, watching my every move.  Yes I was wearing my kilt again.  I have had lots of different reactions, but that was my first jerk reaction.  Needless to say I "entertained" him a little more when I took the trash bag from my truck to the dumpster.  Darcol was the name on the truck.

If I make it to Laredo with this small load (less than 6,000 pounds), I hope to convince the powers that be to send me to California, even for a 34 hour restart.  I need to see Paula, remind her how much she is loved and how important she is to me, I need to begin my journey with Jesse, I need to affirm to Christopher that I love him and how very proud I am that he has completed his studies at GYA; and lastly I need to remind Matthew that he is loved and encourage him to share with someone the self talk he plays in his head.  And if I am home on a Sunday to be prepared to meet Charlie. Can I get all that done in 1 day?

Latta, SC

Delivered in Richmond, VA which freed me to pick up another load two days earlier than planned.  Driving into VA I thought of Randy W. and his family.  They left VA to come to Stockton.  Just like driving past a golf course, I cannot help but think of Nick Smith.

Picked up in Fayetteville,NC and the two people who helped me at the shippers area were both informed today that as of 8PM today they were unemployed.  They were helpful, etc. but dazed.  I didn't ask if they got a severance package or just notified.  One week before Christmas.  Some companies know how to celebrate the season.

Paula tried to call, but with the three boys they were overwhelming her so much that she hung up.  Somebody needs a vacation really bad.  Her personality demands that she is right, so when one of the children state something that is factually incorrect she must correct it.  Matthew stating he weighs 130 when in fact he weighs 140.  Factually she was correct; however, by the time the conversation ended with her upset enough to cry, everyone was incorrect.

eyelashes

Driving out of Ozark,AR the truck was covered with ice.  Above the windshield was a row of  icicles that reminded me of eyelashes. I drove only 343 miles in 11 hours.  It was really bad.  Cars spun out, one going the opposite direction spun out in front of me, and two trucks had rolled onto there side.  But that was yesterday.  Today it was a drizzly rain most of the trip until I got to Peidmont,SC where it is warm (around 70) and no rain at the moment.

I sent an email to Chris via his counselor and have not heard back from him.  I have encouraged Paula to put forth the effort to surprise Chris by bringing his girlfriend down to his graduation.  I think that would be a great thing for him.

My deliveries are messed up now do to the weather but will work to get all delivered tomorrow from Peidmont to Richmond,VA.  The mileage is do able the only question is if the receivers will work to get their product off the truck quickly!

going the wrong way or driving with a broken heart

I left Los Lunas for Cactus,TX.  I awoke this morning and started driving for final stop of Richmond,VA.  I hope Chris is able to forgive me for not being present for his graduation on the 19th.  I will be about as far away as possible on that date.  But as I thought of this situation this morning, how true that I am going the wrong direction.  I have worked for others most of my adult life, therefore the basic difference between me and slavery is I sold myself so someone else could decide where I would be, what I would do, how I would dress, even how I cut my hair.  I could whine and whimper that Stevens should have sent me to California as I requested for over 3 months, but is that their job? I think the answer lies more in Todd Clark: "This day we fight!" In this case it means fighting for better choices, life rather than existence.  But that does not mean I am not still broken hearted to disappoint my family once again.

Side note: observed 5 Ring Neck Pheasants yesterday and my first cardinal (Bright RED) today.

QC Silence

Listening to the top 40 on Amish radio.  Watching plastic bags become entangled on there journey to no where as they blow in the wind.  These are a few of my favorite things.  You can not leave the truck to long, since Dallas may send a message to leave.  They will send a pre-plan.  If you do not respond in a timely manner, they will take it away.  So you are partially trapped in this little box called home. So until the dispatch people go home for the day, one must remain close awaiting that call.  If one is stuck here longer than a day, you could journey to the edge of crazy.  The only question of any importance: getting back to California before Chris graduates from GYA.

So it will be church in the truck, maybe I'll work on Psalms 119.  Unless things change soon, I'll have plenty of time.

Los Lunas again

I left Dallas finally on Thursday, only to have the QC get all excited as I drove across town.  Someone back at the yard wanted to chew me out for almost getting them in trouble.  Rather than contact me a week ago or while I sat on the yard waiting for them to get my new truck ready, no they wait and want me recalled to the yard.  I finally was able to speak to the person on the phone.  He was really upset.  I assumed all the blame which put a large gapping hole in his sails.  It was nice to be able to take a calm approach.  

I have 43,000 pounds of water on my back going to the same place I did last time.  The weather is supposed to be a little rough around this area for traveling without a load, so hopefully I will repower someone so I can make it to California this coming week. The one joy of going to Los Lunas is I can shop at WalMart! I remember shopping at Dillard's but that seems like ancient memories.

Saw two herds of antelope today.  At the first herd, one of the rams was chasing another away.  I wished the whole herd would have gotten nervous and ran, since they run at 45mph.

Saturday in Dallas

Waiting is not my best talent.  I attempt to be patient; however, the weariness of not having answers does get old.  When our classes/meetings were over yesterday, after signing 19 pages of lease forms etc., I wait for truck 7683 to be vacated so I can move from 5748.  7683 has almost as many miles as the truck I am leaving; however, it is newer.  It is a 2007 Kenworth.  By agreeing to this vehicle, my payments are reduced greatly.  Unfortunately it does not have an APU so I am stuck with no heat or AC without running the truck.  Which is illegal in several states to ideal over 3-5 minutes.  Enough whining. 

Dinner last night was very interesting.  I walked over to the driver lounge area to use the facilities while someone was walking around attempting to find everyone who ordered Chinese food.  Great luck for me was someone did not announce they were the one, so for a few dollars I had Chinese and what I feast!

Rather than sit in the drivers lounge while 5748 is being worked on, I am sitting in the break room of the main office building.  This building is no smoking, the other one is a clogged fireplace.  Since I am now no longer employed, I am responsible for health insurance.  They offer a plan for $1300 a month!  I searched on-line and found blue cross of ca cheaper.  I will probably go without coverage for a few days so I can contact people who can assist in making this critical choice.

You're family

As in unwanted step child family.  Welcome to the Dallas yard.  It is in their best interest to not make one feel like this is home, other wise some might be encouraged to stay here longer than absolutely necessary.

I am on the Dallas yard to prepare myself, my thinking anyway, to be a "business owner" a lease truck driver.  So it was leave Mt. Vernon, TX this morning at 3AM drive to Fort Worth before 6AM, drop the trailer, pick up another trailer, then drive it the 40 plus miles from Fort Worth to Mesquite/Dallas.  It is on a weekday so the traffic in was okay, it was the traffic across town that was not fun.  Anyway, I made it back.  I then spent virtually all day in class.  I had my last meal bar while driving over, drink a coke and ate a small Baby Ruth, they supplied a hamburger with french fries for lunch and even though I have money, I do not have change for the machines so it will be time to heat up some water and get those tasty top ramen noodles heated up.  yum. Maybe I can use the microwave in the break room area to heat up some real Campbells soup.  Now that would be a better meal.

Kilts & kids

I arrived in Smiths Grove,KY; parked the wrong way (nose in) so I could use the indoor plumbing and then I walked to McDonald's.  It was around 7:30 local time when I strolled in wearing my corduroy kilt.  Yes it is freezing cold in KY; however, it is much warmer than it was in the snow this morning in Harbor Creek,PA. Anyway, there were all these children eating dinner about two tables away, when one of the boys speaking to another at the table, "That man's wearing a skirt."  He was talking to his friend, but the direction of his talking was straight at me.  I read his lips.  I spoke up, "I am also half deaf and read your lips."  The mothers just laughed.  We talked for a few moments.  Live human inter-action. Not via phone, computer or other means, but live talking with a fellow human, that has nothing to do with your load, how much your carrying, or "that will be $4.52".  I love wearing a kilt because it helps rid the world of one more introvert: me.  As Zig Zigler has said, "Shy salesman have skinny kids."